Yeah. A lot of people seem to think that this isn't an option for them.
Well, I believe that it's not really an option for those in a war zone, in completely poverty circumstances (as in going for days without food) and those who are enslaved, as in literally, forced into sex slavery or held somewhere where they can't physically escape.
If you're not in one of these types of exteme circumstances (which I believe you're not because you're reading a blog, which is a luxury in itself to have access to the internet and time to browse)...then you can achieve your Happily Ever After.
Do I believe in Happily Ever Afters? Heck yeah! I've always have, and most people do believe, or continue to wish at least; especially those who love Romance and/or the Rich and Famous, rather that be in films or novels or both. No matter the worse of times in one's life, there can be a Happily Ever After.
And YOU wouldn't be reading this if you didn't have some kind of little, tiny, hope inside you that happiness in life do exist. But where to find that happy ending? How do you find it?
Well, first of all, it takes a lot of DARN WORK! Yes, work. I know that's not what you want to hear, but it does. It's not like in fairy tales where it's just happens "over night" and it's not like films and novels where it's achieved within the hours or days that you finish reading and watching the story. But what it IS LIKE in fairy tales is that it's harsh and cruel in the beginning before ending with light.
And It Takes Years.
You heard me. Yep. Years. Years and years and years and some more years.
Doesn't sound very good, does it? In fact, that statement might just turn you off and stop you from reading anymore on this post; but it's the darn truth.
Years, I say. Y.E.A.R.S!
Am I rubbing that word in? YES! YEARS!!!! YeeeeeEEEEaaaaAAAAArrrrrRRRRRssssSSSS!!!!
Why am I rubbing it in? Because it has to stick in your mind that, that's how much work and step-by-step progress that's needed to achieve the Happily Ever After.
Who am I to give advice? Oh, just the average, common sense person who just simply believes and knows that goals can be reached because I've reached some of my personal goals, and I'm still working at more Ever Afters. Anyone can get their Happily Ever After with realistic steps. And these steps are basically the same, anywhere you go to look to find them.
So...here are the Seven (7) steps to get your happiness along with some specific examples.
1) Open Eyes Can See
Breathe and open your eyes. I say "breathe" because it helps you concentrate. Just one breath and Look at the negatives around you and point out what it is that's preventing you from getting your happiness. Can't finish anything you started? Why? Are men nothing but dogs? Why? Are you too ugly or fat? Why? Are you having an affair? Why? Are you angry all the time? Why? Does life always give you lemons? Why? Are you an outcaste? Why? Do people look down at you? Why? Are you keeping friends around that you really don't like? Why? Are you too desperate? Why? Are you not happy in your marriage. Why? It's just too complicated? Why? Answer those questions. Find those answers. Research your life.
2) Acknowledge the Negative
Recognize the negatives, the weaknesses, the sorrows.
So, I don't have the money or the time to continue my education. I really enjoy that man/woman that's already married, but I really don't like that I can't spend every day with him/her. I lost someone very dear to me that can not be replaced. I've been cruel or used everyone around me, and I've burned too many bridges. I keep having sex too fast. I keep having to take care of EVERYTHING in the relationship: kids, bills, time--All of the responsibility is always on me. We don't talk, or go out, or have sex, or do anything together anymore. He/She cheats on me. I can never find someone. I always find the wrong person. I'm poor. I'm too dumb. I'm ugly. Everything just always goes WRONG!!! (*) Acknowledge that school just isn't for you, but become intelligent in what you want to do. Research and find the paths--grants, help, loans... do the Do-It-Yourself Project. No body believes you? Show them each step of your goal and show how you've completed them. SHOW them; don't TELL them. Telling is for those who "cry wolf" and you want to be believed. Show the goals that you've completed. (*) Single with multiple kids? You're not alone. You're steps will take longer, for sure. Acknowledge that fact, but KNOW that it will be accomplished with every baby step. (*) Acknowledge these things and accept them for what they are. And what they are, are obstacles that need to get out of the way and pushed aside.
Cleaning up house is one of the first steps to getting closer to happiness, and the hardest.
That affair doesn't give me the love I want 24/7...I always have to wait for it. Don't settle for a piece of cake, got a whole cake WITH the icing. Get Greedy! Let the small part go, and it WILL HURT, but it must be done. It was wrong/It felt right. Doesn't matter. If it's not completely satisfying you, or causes guilt, get rid of it. (*) Take the steps, one at a time by getting organized; making a time table; sleep at a later time, or get up early to complete the task; do your research and gain the knowledge for each step. Knowledge helps gain your strength. (*) Stop the diets and think of life changes--change one thing at a time--add stairs, add stepping while watching a movie, add dancing, replace sugar with honey, replace cookies with a favorite fruit, replace plates with salad plates,. One step at a time. (*) Believe that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Enhance your character by being positive like a motivational speaker; look at the part of you, you have heard people say is pretty and believe it's true; look at your wardrobe and wear a a shirt with pants or a skirt that you've never worn with it before--heck, mix up all your clothes! Research for a different hair style; smile more. (*) Cut off the "friends" who do not have your best interest at heart; the childhood friends who you only have the "past good times" with and no "now good times"; has this "friend' done anything FOR YOU lately? It will hurt. It will feel lonely. You will feel like a betrayer to this "friend". But it has to get done. (*) Apologize to those you have hurt; Stop apologizing to those you keep apologizing to; and in both cases, SHOW your sincerity by changing your personality and attitude. If it's money you owe a friend, make small donations of $5, $10, until you repay everything. If the person(s) do not want to accept your apology or commitment to make amends, acknowledge it and move on.(*) Are you being completed honest with your signifcant other? The deep, down, dirty truth of what you really want? Tell him/her how you feel. TELL HER! TELL HIM! Talk to them as if they are a complete stranger and have NO IDEA WHO YOU ARE. If there's been too many discussion already and he/she doesn't "want to hear it anymore" because there's been too many "cry wolf" episodes, then it's time to start making arrangements of changing yourself; can I continue to accept this for the rest of my life? Decide if you've Done Everything That You Can Do in the relationship and if it's all one-sided and your partner isn't making an effort; make steps to separate from the negative for a while to think things over. But DO NOT try to get into any other kind of relationship while this one still exist. That's the easy way out. A temporary sense of happiness. The hard part is going through the work of separating yourself from the negative. Don't want to be alone? What makes you SO SURE that you can not find some one else? Get rid of that thought. Believe there is someone for everyone--because there is!! (*) Are you doing EVERYTHING? Delegate work; let someone else do the task and agree, and accept, that the final work won't be perfect. Don't go back and correct it! Provide suggestions and leave it at that if it's not perfect. Ask for help. Say NO. Why not say no? What are the consequences? Will it kill you? Will someone retaliate? Then let that someone, or something go if it's chaining you to continue doing EVERYTHING. Will you loose your job? Start looking for another one before changing and saying No. Don't be afraid of change. Just go through the steps of looking for something else. You don't have to commit to it, just go through the process. Have kids? You need structure and organization more than other. Combine time of kids with your goal, if you can, and accept the lack of sleep to get what you need done if you can't combine time. It won't be forever. Look into Big Brother/Big Sister programs so that you can work on time to better yourself while you child is bettering him/herself with his/her Big. (*) Don't be so readily available. Other people aren't and they get their time to themselves, and you're jealous of that. Don't answer the work cell phone or check the work email or don't YES to the next thing someone wants you to do something for the family or for a friend. If you're always thinking, "Why can't so-and-so do it?" THEN SAY IT OUT LOUD? And make it a point that you are not available. It's going to hurt. They're going to get mad at you. You just might loose a friend. So what! They don't respect your time, which means they are NOT a friend and do not care about you! If something must be done, then it can wait until tomorrow? Is there consequences? YOU'RE HUMAN, NOT A MACHINE! Take care of the issue on ITS time, not on yours. IT'S ME TIME, BABE! ME TIME! (*) Accept the fact that the love one is not coming back and grieve. Grieving is not negative--take the time you need, and ignore those who say "you have to move on" and "it's time to get over it". What's negative is if you're not ready, and you're forced out of grieving when it's not the right time. That only makeS things worse. Separate from those who try to force you. If they love, they will be there when you've completed your grieving. You don't want to jump from one relationship to another because you have not healed completely. Going from one place to another just creates holes inside yourself and builds a bridge of insecurity and lack of self-worth.You won't know what you want. So, stop. And stay still. Wait just exactly where you are and open your eyes to the positives things around you. It will be hard with so many negative things and things that irritate you and anger you, but if you don't know what you want, you have to stay still to see it.
4) Pretend.
Yep. Pretend. Pretend what you want is already here. You heard that before, I'm sure. But what does that actually mean? Well, wanna be rich? Pretend you that you are with the income you already have, and mixing up how you wear your current clothes; that Cup of Noodles is the same as those fancy chinese restaurants, but better because you can add your own stuff to it. You have a TV? You're rich. You have a cell phone? You're rich! You have internet? You're rich! Can you go to the movies? You're rich! Luxuries are things that are more than food, simple clothes, and simple shelter. Luxuries are hair-dos, cars (yes CARS, because you can take the transit system if you don't have a car),movies and other outside entertainment like fast food restaurants--McDonalds. YES McDonalds..because really poor people have to cook cheap food and can't afford McDonalds; which makes your RICH. (*) Pretend you're popular by complimenting someone who is NOT popular of something that really is something worth speaking about. "That's a nice shirt." "Uh...thank you." "Yeah, I really like it." And walk away. Don't dwell. That short conversation will light up your day. Don't go back to that same stranger. Two weeks later, find something you like about someone else and compliment them, who isn't popular. "Nice earrings." "Thank you." "You're welcome." Walk away...unless that person wants to say more about their earrings, then LISTEN and SHOW INTEREST. Simple conversations like that will build up your own group of people, and create your own unique environment of popularity. (*) Pretend that special person will be with you in 1-2 years, right after you completed your personal tasks. They're just around the corner but you need to make sure you've lost this many pounds before you meet him/her. You have to make sure you've gotten over your shyness to speak to people before you meet him/her. You have to make this amount of money before he/she arrives. Pretend that these preparations on yourself is for him/her, just like preparing dinner for guests--they're not here yet, but you'll have everything ready when they are. (*) Pretend you're someone else when you say, "No". Pretend that THEY are your enemy and out to steal your pot of gold, and use up your time so you can't reach your rainbow. (*) Pretend that person in your life: that friend, spouse, lover, who is a negative aspect, is no longer in your life. Start pretending to live a life without that person. (*) Having an affair? Go on dates. And yes, none of the dates will be like him or like her and, yes, they will only make you think of him/her more, but keep dating every weekend with a new person--the internet allows that. Keep dating, even though it seems like a waste of time and there's no one else who can measure up to him or her. You're pretending there will be someone else even BETTER (*) Pretend that you're a nun if you always jump into bed too early. Don't go to that car or that room--it's past curfew and you must be home for your hourly prayer or fasting. Don't continue to TEST yourself that you will Resist "this time". Accept the weakness and acknowledge you can not resist. You can't put a steak in front of a starving dog and expect it not to eat it?! Avoiding those situations IS your strength, NOT your weakness. (*) If you're a lone, make plans to go out and do something. The internet has lots of activities to meet up with people in your area. Pretend you're going to meet someone at the event and they had car trouble and couldn't make it. (*) Pretend that you're not overweight and you can walk for miles. Pretend that you're an athletic person. (*) Pretend that you're beautiful and smile; hum to yourself. (*) Even though you don't feel like yourself, keep pretending. But don't pretend that you're happy if you're grieving, at least not for a long period of time. Keep the pretense where it's necessary and grieve in private if need be. (*) Pretending is a powerful thing. It's our imaginations that bring things to light.
Study and gain knowledge. Do things that will take up time. Doing things will fill you up and make you more complete and ready for the happiness that is coming. (*) Poor? Read books, magazines, blogs, websites. (*) Rich? Volunteer your time. (*) No time? Get better organized. Drop things to make room. (*) No talent? Volunteer or do tempt jobs and learn something you've never known about before. (*) Our bodies were made to MOVE, so get moving! (*) Can't move? Mentally move. Read. Talk. Type. Listen. (*) Get busy working towards that goal. And celebrate even the smallest achievement like putting that $1 dollar away in your bank. That's $1 dollar more than before.
6) Tools
Music is always something to help with the Spirit of Mankind. It envokes strength. Use it. Dance to it. (*) You're reading this? The Internet is a great tool--your best friend. Search and research places, people and things. And get to it!
7) Still not getting anywhere?
The BUT excuses. Acknowledge that they're there. There are things that will stop you. So take tinier steps. A big bill just came up? Okay. Fine. Just make sure to put at least $5 a side for your dream. Just $5 whenever you can. Or stop buying the "wants"...in fact, don't buy anything else but food and diapers if you're in that part of your life. Everything else, find another way. Find Free entertainment for outside events. Ignore the teenager tantrum--they won't remember what they wanted 10 years from now anyway. Teach yourself how to do your next new hair-do, nails style, how to run a business (*) Appreciate what you have and you will get what you want. Look at what you do have. Don't keep up with the Joneses. Exclaim that you don't have "this" right now, but you'll get it in the future...even if it takes 10 years of your life.(*) Setbacks are a time to go back to organization and preparation. Go back to acknowledging the negatives, learning what you need and pretending. Knowledge is the best strength to overcome the feeling of weakness and to overcome strong emotions. Think through the pain, the desires and you'll achieve your goal. How can I get better? What can I do? Where do I need to go? Who can help me? What can help me? How can I do this first step...again? Let me go do this, or that, or the other...just this one step. I can get this done!
Finale
Is there a Happily Ever After? Sure there is. But there is ALWAYS Night Before Day. You just need the thought to believe while in the darkness, surrounded by the negative. And you do believe, because you're here reading this. And if you're reading, and researching, then you're one step closer to your goal. It's the steps, the baby steps, the years of growth, that builds the bridge, that Light to Happiness.
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